Here is an email I sent to my brother PJ at the height of anger over stupid Eagles fans during the 2004 season after a game between the Eagles and the Giants – T.O.s first season with the Eagles, and Eli Manning’s first season in the NFL…

Sent: Monday, November 29, 2004 10:03 AM

To: PJ Smith

Subject: Eagles Rule

How much do Eagles fans suck? A lot.

Practically every Sunday I see the early game at McGlynn's. Week one there were two Eagles fans. Week two there were two Eagles fans. Week three there were two Eagles fans during the first quarter and more as soon as the Eagles established a lead. This week there were a million Eagles fans and boy do they know them some football.

Here are some of the salient comments from this Sunday:

"You suck Peyton!"

This one is just a classic. Come on, the Eagles are playing the Giants, not the Colts. I'm not even sure how you know enough about football to know that "Peyton" is Peyton Manning's first name but not enough to know that he's not his brother, Eli. No lie, this guy had money on the game. He was BETTING MONEY and he doesn't know Peyton from Eli.

"Throw it to T.O."

Well duh. But is T.O. open? Probably not. The Giants may have been smart enough to cover him with at least one guy. And since you can't see T.O. as you're yelling this and don't know if he's open does it make any sense? No.

Shut up dope.

"You suck McNabb!"

Uh, no, McNabb doesn't suck, you do. How can anybody say that, no matter what team they cheer for? Retard. This comment came just a short while after McNabb, 10 yards back from the line of scrimmage with the Giant's entire defensive line having a hand on him, broke free rolled out to the side and ran for a first down. Ten yard sack turns into an eight yard gain. Yeah, he stinks.

"Yeah!"

Ok, this is a little non-descript but the context is important. Eagles are at third down with ten yards to go and they throw a screen pass behind the line of scrimmage for a loss. I'm not so sure this is a cheering moment so much as a questionable play call. A reception that results in a loss is not better than a sack just because it is a reception. Just because someone caught the ball doesn't mean it was a good or well-advised play. If every catch was good, you'd cheer when McNabb throws an interception. Not that I'd put it past you.

"Yeah!"

Also non-descript, but again it's context. Please be paying attention prior to cheering. Yes that was an excellent play, yes your team done good. Yes they really showed the Redskins what was what. Only this week you're playing the Giants, not the Redskins. Stop cheering for highlights from last week because you don't understand what's going on - it makes my head hurt.

"Flag! Flag!"

Not on every single play that doesn't go your way. Please. And if you make that flag throwing motion one more time I'm going to vomit.

"Wooooooooooooooo!!"

You'd think it was lady's night. Where did the female Eagles fans come from and could someone please take them back? I'm not sexist, some women know their football. But if you don't know the game just cheer every time your team scores or gets a first down. Keep it simple. Don't try to cheer for anything more subtle. Don't cheer for the yellow flag until the little man in the stripes tells you why he threw it onto the pretty green field. That man in the green shirt may have poked his fingers into the eyes of the bad man in the red shirt in which case the penalty fairy is going to sprinkle his magic pixie dust on the line of scrimmage moving it back 15 yards.

Remember what Buddha said - or maybe it was Yoda - anyway, the first step to learning is to acknowledge what you don't know. If you don't know the game, admit it, learn it, and then cheer appropriately. Most important, a touchback is always good, no matter what. Every time you see a touchback, yell your face off because they're so awesome.